An ode to messages what should remain unsent and thus unread
As I have agreed to not talk to, for a while at least, the person to whom I owe so much, I place what I was about to send to her here. I could—though I would rather not— keep it inside. As always, I hope all is well with her and wish to express that somewhere other than inside my own misty mind.
This was precipitated by a sort of mass email (ok there were something near four recipients, so not too mass) from the one in question. I know I shouldn’t respond, as I gather she either isn’t ready to talk yet, or perhaps she doesn’t care to ever talk with me again. I do not know that the latter is the case. This is just the sort of thought I have in situations where I open myself up to any sort of rejection. I expect people to dislike me and want to abandon all contact with me. It is quite silly of me. I am working on it—I swear. Recognizing that I do these things really does go quite a long way to helping me to realize the fantastic thoughts bounding around my brain are not necessarily true. It is in fact mostly likely that she is simply abiding by the timeframe set at that last fateful meeting between us. I digress from the task at hand. My apologies to the reader.
UPDATE: 11/13/09 It has been brought to my attention that I might have put this here in the hopes that she would read it. As such, I have removed the message. I am putting quite a lot of effort into not trying to force people to act the way that I want them to act. By putting this message here, with even a slim hope that she would read it, I would be in violation of this effort. Hence removed.
Dory Previn sang, “go away…come back…go away…come back”. I wish it were that the one I am thinking of would express a similar sentiment, but most likely the way she has chosen is best for us both.
ho hum